and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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