You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
