you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
