the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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