Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
