just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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