Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
