Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
