Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
