His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
