This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
