You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
