What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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