When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Randomize