the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
