my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
