as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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