Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
