No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
