I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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