When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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