Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
