So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
