I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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