So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
