so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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