I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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