Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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