Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
