Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He better not be in your backpack
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
