i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
