we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
