I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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