So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
