Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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