My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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