Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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