Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
