I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
