chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
