i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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