you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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