Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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