I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Randomize
