its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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