There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
