god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
