so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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