it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
