when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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