I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
