I murdered the dance floor call the cops
wanna go halves on a baby?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
