I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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