It was confusing and full of hummus
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
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