Need sex. Gaining weight.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
