it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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