He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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