my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I believe in your delicious
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
