I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
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