Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize