he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
