We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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