Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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