what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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