I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
